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Dancer's Answers

We publish a brand-new video poker article from Bob Dancer every Thursday in this section. These columns are called "Dancer's Answers". Click on any of the links below for more Dancer's Answers:

Bob Dancer Articles - Main Page
May 1, 2008

Vicksburg Video Poker - May 8, 2008

Vicksburg, MS Video Poker - Part 2 - May 15, 2008

Vicksburg Casino Video Poker - Part 3 - May 22, 2008

Common Deuces Wild Mistakes – Juan or the Other – May 29, 2008

Figuring Out Quick Quads - June 5, 2008

Breaking Full Houses in Quick Quads - June 12, 2008

A Quick Quads Puzzler - June 19, 2008

Let’s Go Scouting - June 26, 2008

When You're Not Sure of the Game - July 3, 2008

Can it be Right to Play Hunches - July 10, 2008

Good Hearted Woman in Love With a Good Timin’ Man - July 17, 2008

One-Way Versus Two-Way Straight Penalties - July 24, 2008

Effectual versus Ineffectual Straight Penalties - July 31, 2008

Unusual Dealt Royals - August 7, 2008

Learning from a Horse Handicapper - August 14, 2008

When Bad Is Good - August 21, 2008

I Live For These Moments - August 28, 2008

Las Vegas Do It Different - September 4, 2008

Figuring the worth when there are Multiple Progressives - September 11, 2008

Which is the Better Play? - September 18, 2008

How Much is Too Much? - September 25, 2008

Evaluating a Promotion - October 2, 2008

Sometimes the Jack, Sometimes Ace-Jack, Never the Ace by Itself - October 9, 2008

Why I Don't Play Poker - October 16, 2008

What is a Royal Flush Cycle? - October 23, 2008

A Logical Puzzler - October 30, 2008

Another Look at Changing Machines - November 6, 2008

Testing Matters - November 13, 2008

An Easy Yet Important Quick Quad Puzzler - November 20, 2008

Some Quick Quad Mathematics - November 27, 2008

Barona Improves its Video Poker - December 4, 2008

An Interesting Quick Quads Puzzle - December 11, 2008

Shirley Plays Suduku - December 18, 2008

How Often Does One Time in 360 Occur? - December 25, 2008

Earning a Free Cruise - January 1, 2008

Next Dancer's Answers column coming on January 8, 2009!

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Not All Proposals Should Be Accepted

This article originally appeared in May 2000 “Casino Player”. A slightly-edited version also appeared in “Million Dollar Video Poker.”

It was Spring 1997. Shirley and I (unmarried at this point but dating each other exclusively) were each signed up to play in a giveaway weekend event at Treasure Island. During these weekends, 400 or so invited guests earn drawing tickets (one per each $3,000 coin-in for this casino—it varies from place to place) from Thursday through Saturday. Then on Saturday night, 20 or so tickets are drawn and $50,000 or more is given away. Shirley wasn't able to come in from California until Friday evening, so I started playing Thursday night so we'd have more together time after she got there.

At around 2 a.m. Friday morning I hit a royal flush on a $5 machine. Twenty thousand dollars. Yes! You never get enough of these. Surprisingly, at this particular moment the high roller area was essentially deserted Very strange indeed for a giveaway weekend, but that's the way it was.

It takes fifteen minutes or so to get paid on a jackpot of this size, so I sat and waited quietly. Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, probably, but quietly. Sometimes at moments like this, people walk by and ask, "How much is it?" I wish they wouldn't ask. I really don't want to advertise the fact that I'm going to be walking around with a ton of cash on me. When they do, I try to answer civilly, but not in a way that invites further conversation.

But this time the question was distinctly different: "Hi there. Are you married?"

What was this? I turned around and saw an attractive, well-dressed woman of 45 or so smiling at me. Having recently turned 50, I was under no illusions that women might mistake me for Paul Newman. Presentable? Yes Love-at-first-sight material? Hardly.

All this woman knew about me was that I had just won $20,000. But that was apparently enough to make her interested. Since then, I've come up with a dozen snappy responses I could have used. But at the time I was speechless for about 20 seconds.

"No I'm not," I finally replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I just wanted to know if you were available," she purred. My mind raced. She was trim, classy, and appeared to be intelligent with a sense of humor. In short, perfect. (Not to mention, of course, her jail record, bankruptcies, venereal disease, grandkids from hell or other imperfection that she had successfully hidden for the entire thirty seconds so far.) Besides, I already had a girlfriend who was close enough to perfect.

"Nope. Not available, but thanks for letting my mind pleasantly wander a few moments. You're the second nicest thing to happen to me within the past ten minutes."

She laughed and walked on. That was it! The whole thing was completely over in a minute—an unforgettable minute, but a minute nonetheless.

But, of course, it wasn't completely over.

Shirley arrived late Friday afternoon and we began our weekend with dinner at Madame Ching's, a very nice Chinese restaurant at the casino. I listened while she told me about her day and week, very patiently waiting for my bombshell opportunity.

When the inevitable "How did your day go?" came, I calmly answered. "Nothing unusual, really, other than getting a marriage proposal from a very nice lady." Now it was Shirley's turn to be speechless for twenty seconds. Her response, when it finally came, was dripping with icicles. "I drove 300 miles to hear this? I hope you'll both be very happy, you #%@&%$!"

It took some time to explain that it wasn't a serious proposal and that I didn't even know the woman's name or how to get in touch with her. In total there were only a few dozen words spoken. Shirley was obligated to give me an It's-not-a-good-idea-to-fool-me-that-way look, but eventually all was forgiven. And once Shirley had calmed down, the rest of the story dawned on her.

"Wow! Twenty thousand! Can we go to Hawaii? I love Hawaii!" Her reaction brings up an the interesting question. I now had $20,000 that I didn't have the day before. What was I going to do with it? Nothing, really.

"It's not real money, you know," I told her.

"What do you mean it's not real money?" I explained that I had no way of knowing when my next royal was coming. I could conceivably lose $100,000 or more before the next $20,000 royal. A loss of that size would be unusual, but not impossible. So if I didn't bank essentially everything, a $100,000 loss would come close to wiping me out.

And if I wanted to move up to $10 machines, which I did, I would need twice the bankroll I needed to play $5 machines. So any money I won, I was planning to save, other than spending a rather modest amount for living expenses

"How much do you figure you will need?" Shirley wanted to know. I told her that a $100,000 bankroll would be reasonably comfortable to play $5 machines full time, assuming informed assumptions about the value of the slot club and the value of associated promotions. And, I reminded her that playing on $5 machines was not my goal.

"So you're saying that you have to save until you have $200,000 before you can spend anything?" she asked incredulously.

"Actually," I replied, "the comps are so much better when you play the $25 machines that I'm trying to accumulate half a million."

This is an unusual way to look at money, at least for most people. If she wanted to be part of my life, Shirley would either need to come to grips with my point of view or convince me that my point of view needed altering. And I didn't like her chances of the latter.

She looked at me long and hard, and decided I was leveling with her. Which was good because I was. "In that case," she told me, "we'd better go out and get a royal flush for me too this weekend."

Before we left Madame Ching's, we had to open our fortune cookies. Since all fortune cookies at a Chinese restaurant located in a casino will contain good news, we put no faith in them at all. However, we'd learned that these fortunes are a lot more fun to read out loud when you remember to say "in bed" at the end. My fortune was "Hard work will lead to the results you seek ... in bed." While Shirley's was "Don't go around looking for trouble ... in bed."

We didn't hit that second royal that weekend, which was no surprise. Royals are rather rare events and you never know when they will pop up. In fact, we lost about $4,000 while putting points on Shirley's card. But we did win $2,500 and a Sony 54" TV in the drawing Saturday night. Not bad at all!

That's it for this month. Until next time, go out and hit a royal flush.

Bob Dancer is America's best-known video poker writer and teacher. He has a variety of "how to play better video poker" products, including the software "Video Poker for Winners," Winner's Guides, strategy cards, his autobiography Million Dollar Video Poker, and his two novels, including Sex, Lies, and Video Poker. Dancer's products may be ordered at www.bobdancer.com or by telephone at 1-800-244-2224 M-F 9-5 Pacific Time.

Click here to visit River Belle Casino and play video poker games, including Jacks or Better and Deuces Wild.

Classic Dancer

We republish a classic Bob Dancer article every Sunday - often these articles are updated with new insights from Bob Dancer, the master of video poker writing.

Video Poker Questions and Answers - May 4, 2008

More Answers to Questions About Video Poker Machines - May 11, 2008

Losing is a Major Part of Winning at Video Poker - May 18, 2008

Video Poker VS Blackjack - May 25, 2008

The Art of Tipping Slot Personnel - Part 1 - June 1, 2008

The Art of Tipping Slot Personnel - Part 2 - June 8, 2008

Putting Your Ducks In a Row - June 15, 2008

Luck and Skill in Video Poker - June 22, 2008

Strategy Adjustments in Video Poker - June 29, 2008

One Coin vs Five Coin - July 6, 2008

Video Poker Progressives - July 13, 2008

High Pairs versus Three Cards to a Rolal in Kings or Better Joker Wild - July 20, 2008